Early on, I decided that I was terribly wrong and bad. Fear and overwhelm influenced my every decision, and physical exertion was upsetting. But I had hope: that hard work and struggle would somehow bring me freedom.
After completing a Bachelor of Arts and a Technical Diploma, an 18-month internship brought me to Esalen Institute in Big Sur, California to study Gestalt, the expressive arts, spirituality, and somatic modalities such as Esalen® Massage and CranioSacral Therapy. It was here that I met Harriet Goslins, originator of Cortical Field Re-education®.
I began the four-year apprenticeship and became certified as a Cortical Field Re-education (CFR) teacher in 2009. CFR profoundly changed my life: experiences that I had wanted but were terrifyingly out of reach were suddenly mine. I became joyful and enjoyed the company of others. I began to cherish time in nature and noticed how exercise nourished me. I was able to use my body in ways that I remained injury-free.
A health crisis in 2012 nearly ended my life. I became an excellent patient, following all advice offered by my caregivers, but wasn’t feeling any better, and my ability to participate in my life wasn’t improving. My trust in hard work and struggle was faltering, but I was too tired to think of—or try—any other way of being.
Exhausted and terrified, I remembered meeting Lansing Gresham, originator of Integrated Awareness®, and the only guest teacher invited to my CFR training. I also remembered promising myself that if anyone in my family was having trouble healing from any kind of condition, I would bring them to see Lansing. I was ready to give up my suffering.
A four-day “mini intensive” in Integrated Awareness® saved my life. I came home to find my family delightful—a relief after being numb for so long. I learned to slow down and turn down my mind’s incessant chatter. I became able to sense the ways in which I had framed my challenges, and the decisions I had made, and how all of that affected how I experienced myself and the world around me. I have embodied the notion that the world is often safe and full of opportunity.
Where physical activity had been another part of my struggle, in 2016 at the age of 42, I became a runner. I remain thunderstruck that physical activity has not only become enjoyable, it has become a refuge and a source of renewal. Cortical Field Re-education® and Integrated Awareness® have given me the tools to ward off the aches and pains that pave the way toward aging. At nearly 200 pounds, I run 4.5 km two to three times per week, wearing zero-drop shoes with minimal cushioning, and remain injury-free. In 2019, I became a triathlete. In the winter I cross-country ski.
I am now finishing year four of a four-year apprenticeship in Integrated Awareness.
ABOUT | MODALITIES
Integrated Awareness® (IA) is an innately human set of skills for healing and wholeness through movement, touch, enhanced awareness and changes of consciousness. We are each a complete person, but we often feel ourselves to be a collection of parts, any of which can put up filters and set off defenses preventing us from living in the now.
We all have constant input from our environment, both internal and external, but we are unaware of most of it in the present, because our system is clogged with conditioning from the past.
We’ve all read or heard of the Body-Mind-Spirit connection – what about the brain?
The brain and body has dozens of emotions, scores of tissue types, billions of movements and countless thoughts, and no one has yet measured the magnitude of human energy or spirit. Yet you somehow organize them all into You.
IA is a process, an intention and a set of behaviors and tools which enable us to guide this marvelous system without the fears, wounds and rules which have held us down so far below our inherent capacities.
IA is belonging–well-being–safety. It is forgiveness and good enough. It is “self-healing through self-discovery”
For more information, please visit the main IA website at www.inawareness.com
Cortical Field Re-Education® The following paragraphs explain how our emotional development as babies and children is connected with our physical well-being later in life. After reading the information, you will have an understanding of how Cortical Field Re-education (CFR) works so you too can release long-held muscular contractions that lead to pain and injury. You will also have an understanding how CFR works to heal trauma and emotional pain, for healing, for growth, for life.
As babies and children we are learn how to hold up our heads, roll over, share, colour inside the lines, and appear wholesome as we walk. When we hear “Hurry up!”, or sense the frustration of an unspoken “Not again!” in the night or when we want to share a particular achievement, we don’t understand that it’s really important for Mommy to be at work on time, or that Daddy is pre-occupied over the well-being of another family member. At an unconscious level, we mistakenly think that this hurt is our fault and try to make sure it won’t happen again.
Unconsciously, we realize “When I moved this particular way, this happened”. And we promise ourselves never to do it again. These decisions are made hundreds of times over the course of our childhood, right into adulthood. When we stop moving, we stop feeling. Soon, vast portions of our movement possibilities are forgotten, and we rely on comparatively few movements to walk, reach, turn and leap. When we break our rules to never move in this or that certain way, we feel bad without understanding why.
Soon, we don’t feel a lot, but we do feel old and stiff. We might feel lonely, stuck, or out of balance, or begin developing over-use injuries and other chronic conditions.
Add to this a lifetime’s worth of injuries: the twisted knee or sore back from sports, sprained ankle from a hike, a blister from new shoes. After injury, we make compensations to our movements to avoid re-injury. Because our brains thrive on novelty, they forget they’re telling the muscles to hold that certain pattern. Instead of exchanging the old set of compensations for a new set, we “keep” the old ones in place and layer on the new ones until another injury brings about another set of compensations, and those too, are added to the mix.
To reduce our discomfort, we might stretch and strengthen, get treatment to “bust up” hardened tissue, read self-help books or speak with someone we trust. Even with regular treatments, regular visits and other hard work, we never seem to heal. A pattern put in place at an unconscious level can never be changed at a conscious level.
Cortical Field Re-education works through the motor-cortex (behind the forehead) of our brains to resolve physical disfunction and the intertwined emotional issues. With small, non-habitual movements, the brain remembers these unconscious decisions made long ago and recognizes long-held muscular contractions, and releases them. Change occurs not in the muscle, but at the place in the brain where these long-held contractions and rules were encoded.
When we practice CFR, we are at an unconscious level, re-visiting the old rules that no longer serve us, the rules that are keeping us stiff, sore and separate. By re-visiting these old rules, we develop self-compassion for our younger selves who took on behaviours that were supposed to help at the time, but have become counter-productive in our present lives. By releasing the old rules, Cortical Field Re-education lets us dramatically increase our ability to sense and feel.
Upgraded sensory skills allow us to accurately asses our surroundings in the moment, and a broader range of movements allow us to act instead of react on previous experiences. Stated simply, being present allows us to be more authentic. Confidence in our perceptions and trust in our actions greatly improves our quality of life. People who upgrade their perceptual and movement skills through Cortical Field Re-education can expect:
Relief from muscular-skeletal pain in the back, neck, head, shoulders, hips, knees, feet, hands, pelvis, and jaw
Improved flexibility, mobility and co-ordination
Easier, more comfortable daily activities like walking, standing, sitting, turning, bending, getting up out of a chair or off the floor and climbing stairs
Quicker recovery from injury and surgery
Better balance
Improved mood and energy levels
Reduced inflammation and improved circulation
Improved breathing
Improved ability to relax and sleep
Reduced muscular tension, stress and anxiety
Greater ease and pleasure in daily physical activities
Greater sense of belonging and self-acceptance.
ABOUT | WORKING TOGETHER
As our understanding of the nervous system’s power to drive learning, healing and growth has increased, there has been a lot of talk about “re-training” and “re-wiring”. These terms remind me of machines, like computers, used to do particular jobs. YOU ARE NOT A MACHINE. Come to think of it, I’m not a mechanic.
Consider me your ally.
Our sessions together will be guided by your wishes for change, whether that be healing from illness or injury; easier and freer movement physically, in your relationships and daily interactions with the world around you; or greater clarity and self-trust.
“It is from the wavering edge of risk that the sweetest honey of freedom drips.” Brad Blanton
It is my privilege to support you. For healing, for growth, for life. Motionally.